Chilly Willy Drag Racing Blog

• Man who run in front of car get tired.
• Man who run behind car get exhausted.
• Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

• You know you want to hit it, but you are afraid of the consequences…

• Man who drives like hell bound to get there.

• Because shes a woman!       

Two old ladies buy a used car. 

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car Were they trying to steal it?

‘Heavens no, we bought it’, said one of the ladies.

‘Then why don’t you drive it away.’

‘We can’t drive.’

‘Then why did you buy it?’

‘We were told that if we bought a Used car here we’d get screwed …so we’re just waiting.                                                                                                                                                           A blonde calls for parts.

“Yes, I need to order a part.”, the woman replies.

“What kind of part do you need? We’ll see if we have it.” The owner says as he gets a pen and paper, preparing to write it down.

“I need a 24 ounce water pump for my husbands car.”

At this point, the store owner was confused. “A 24 ounce water pump? What kind of car?” He asks.

“I don’t know.” The woman replies.

The store owner pauses, trying to think of what a 24 ounce water pump was. He smiled, finally realizing what she meant. “Oh, yes ma’am!” He said. “We have a 24 ounce water pump for you right here! We also have 26, 28, and even 35 ounce water pumps, too.” He picks up his pen and writes “Blonde woman needs a water pump for a Nissan 240Z.”                                                                                                                                                                                                        The wife from hell. 

The officer says, ” I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver, John, says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.                                                                                                                                            

Not looking up from her knitting , John’s wife Phyllis says, “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.” As the officer writes out the ticket, John looks over at Phyllis and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?”

Phyllis smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.” As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, John glowers at Phyllis and says through clenched teeth, “Darn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”

The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.” John says, “Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”

Phyllis says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.” And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket John turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??”

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”

“Only when he’s been drinking”

Going Parking      A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window.he young man lowers his window. “Uh, yes, officer?”

The cop says: “What are you doing?”

The young man says: “Well Officer, I’m reading a magazine.”

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: “And her, what is she doing?”

The young man shrugs: “Sir, I believe she’s knitting a pullover sweater.”

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a Lover’s lane…and nothing naughty is happening!

The cop asks: “What’s your age, young man?” The young man says “I’m 22, sir.”

The cop asks: “And her…what’s her age?”

The young man looks at his watch and replies: “She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.                                              

  Free Gas        A gas station owner in Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Fill-Up.”                                                                       

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, “You were close. The Number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.”

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for Another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the Correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.”              

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, “I think that Game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex.”

Bubba replied, “No it ain’t, Billy Ray. It ain’t rigged. My wife won twice last week.”

Speeding Ticket    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”